I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
