I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
as a side note pls kill me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
