And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
