I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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