My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
