I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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