I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize