"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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