i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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