Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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