"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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