the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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