my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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