i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
