Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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