New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
