My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
