im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
