If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
