Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
