Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
