i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
