I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
