i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
