i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
