you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
