My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
NoShamevember. You game?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
