It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
