Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
