I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
