Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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