The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
