we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
