I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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