so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
