i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i came on her dog
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
