I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
