i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
