I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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