its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
where are my eyebrows?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
