Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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