just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize