Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
