No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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