ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
