so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
