you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I forget how to act sober
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