dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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