i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
