i think my mom watched the whole time
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize