i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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