why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
