Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ladies don't puke and tell
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
