Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Randomize
