Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
