Umm I'm too high to move.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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