i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
this is an emotional support booty call
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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