Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
