I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
