You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
