the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
