take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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