Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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