I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm passing your future prison.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
