i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
