Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
